—It seems like the cherry blossoms will bloom early this year. — Hamanami said.
—Despite the cold?
Looking up at the sky, it was clear and blue due to the cold.
—They say it will get very warm once this cold wave passes. Are you okay with ski lessons?
—I’m still not sure.
It was early in the morning, and as I was walking to school, I ran into her by chance, so we decided to walk together.
—By the way, Kirishima-senpai, how’s your head? — Hamanami asked, not in a sense that I was dumb.
—I’m still under observation. I have to go to the hospital next week.
After falling down the stairs at Tokyo Station, I was hospitalized because the doctors wanted to make sure everything was okay. Since it was a head injury, there could be some symptoms that appear later, so I continue to receive regular check-ups.
—But, aren’t you experiencing any headaches or anything like that?
—No, everything is fine. They said there was no risk involved and I could continue with my normal daily activities. But if anything unusual were to happen, I should go to the hospital immediately.
—I haven’t told anyone about what happened, especially not you-know-who.
—There’s no need to.
—I’ve already told Hayasaka-san and Tachibana-san that I’m okay.
—Are you doing it out of kindness?
—Yes, that’s right. I’m a kind man. I’m overflowing with kindness. — I replied sarcastically.
—I can tell, the kindness of Kirishima-senpai is overflowing. From now on, I’ll call you the Overflowing Man of Kindness. — she said mockingly.
—Alright, call me that.
—But still, weren’t you supposed to keep your distance from them…?
—Well… I admit that was a complete failure.
—I know you have the determination to end it in the best possible way. I firmly support that decision, but I doubt you’ll survive the year.
—Hey, don’t say things like that. I thought you had faith in me.
Today is the day we go to school once a week, so there are also third-year students at the school.
Looking at the third-year students walking on the path, Hamanami commented:
—They look so grown-up.
—To me, they look the same, just with a little difference…
I always thought that with just unbuttoning a button on the uniform shirt, lowering the pants a bit, or shortening the skirt, the seniors looked much more like adults compared to my classmates.
Although I didn’t have much to criticize because underneath my uniform, I was wearing a girls’ school swimsuit… Yes, I was wearing a girls’ school swimsuit.
***
I had hoped that Hamanami would respond with a bit of anarchy and make a sarcastic comment, but I suppose wearing that underneath the uniform was beyond Hamanami’s reach as well.
This obviously has its explanation, which came about a few days ago.
That day, Hayasaka-san and I visited a university campus for an open house event.
—Kirishima-kun, look at this! — exclaimed Hayasaka pointing at a club poster. — It’s a filmmaking club. It looks fun!
Hayasaka was very excited.
—Last summer, we made a short film together, with Maki-kun as the director.
—Yes, I remember… A filmmaking club sounds good.
After saying that, Hayasaka-san smiled bashfully.
—I’m a mess, aren’t I? University is for studying, and here I am getting excited about things like this…
—I don’t see it that way. What’s the point of university if you’re not having fun and learning new things?
—Kirishima-kun, you’re too indulgent with me. You should be stricter. — Hayasaka replied as she leaned closer to me.
That day in the club, when sparks flew in the air, I thought everything would turn into chaos, but somehow it was resolved. Tachibana-san and Hayasaka-san seemed to realize that they had gone too far and apologized to each other.
—[Hayasaka-san, I’m sorry. I got carried away and boasted that Shirou-kun loved me.] — Tachibana said.]
—[No, I’m sorry for using inappropriate words. Although everything I said was true, I regret saying them. I’m sorry.]
And with furrowed brows, they shook hands with a tense smile.
However, since that day, they started a sort of playful battle where they threw popcorn at each other. Being the kind girls they were, they took care not to hurt each other too much.
At school, Tachibana-san had the advantage since, after all, she was still officially my girlfriend in the eyes of all the students, and every break time, she would come to the classroom and cling to my arm.
Meanwhile, Hayasaka-san would stay in a corner and do a kind of protest dance.
But she also took every opportunity to ask me questions such as: “Are you my boyfriend, right?” And that happened today when we were heading to our training class.
It’s time for you to tell Tachibana-san the truth. That you’re no longer together. I’m holding back because I feel bad for her, you know? And I try not to do things that are too much like a girlfriend. But Tachibana-san still feels like your girlfriend and thinks you hug her because you like her…
And gradually, she has stopped behaving reservedly and started acting more like a girlfriend.
In the classroom, she tries to approach me in front of everyone, trying to hold my hand or mentioning our late-night calls in conversations with friends.
So, as expected, the situation only worsened.
Hayasaka’s image in front of everyone is being severely damaged. She is seen as the girl who is trying to steal Tachibana-san’s boyfriend.
The comments I hear from other students regarding her are also not to my liking. Many speak derogatorily of her.
At the end of last year, Hayasaka-san was secretly working at a maid cafe without the school knowing.
But apparently, there were students from our school among the customers, and pictures of Hayasaka-san dressed as a maid started circulating. And if that wasn’t enough, images of her dressed as Santa and surrounded by those two university guys began to spread on social media.
Without a doubt, Hayasaka was no longer that innocent girl to the people in this school.
She couldn’t understand why everyone was saying horrible things to her, and her feelings towards me caused her to act on impulse without considering the harm she was causing.
Sakai was very concerned about Hayasaka’s behavior. Even she couldn’t decipher whether her best friend was suffering or not. So, she urged me to do something about it.
And that’s why I came here today with her. To try to relieve some tension and make her see reason. Luckily, it seemed to work.
Being alone outside of school and acting as if we were a couple, Hayasaka-san regained her usual energy and state of mind. So, by the end of the day, I have to find a way to convince her to behave better at school.
—Kirishima-kun, let’s go.
—Alright…
Holding hands, we entered the university building.
We explored the campus facilities during the tour, received explanations in the auditorium about the different faculties, and also listened to stories from the seniors. Since Hayasaka-san is interested in science studies, she decided to visit the laboratories, so I decided to go solo for a while.
But there is another reason why I came to this open house event.
—Can you wait for me for a while? There’s something I need to do. — I said.
—Sure. I’m going to check out various laboratories to increase my motivation. — Hayasaka-san replied excitedly.
She is so healthy and full of energy when we are alone… I wish it could always be like this.
I left the building and sat on a bench under a large oak tree near the auditorium. After waiting for a while, a woman with colorful hair approached and sat next to me.
—You’ve changed your hair color.
—Yes. How do you like it?
—It suits you.
Kunimi-san’s hair used to be pink, but now it is blue. And she had also increased the number of piercings in her ears.
—What do you think of my university?
—It’s calm, seems like a good place.
—You should try to get in.
—You make it sound so easy.
—Boohoo… You know, work is boring without you. When you enter university, come back to work at the bar. That way we’ll be together and fight over french fries again.
Due to entrance exams, I quit my job at the beginning of the new year. And because of the incident at the train station, I told Reina-san that I would take some time off.
I also couldn’t properly say goodbye to Kunimi-san after leaving the job, so seeing her again was somewhat gratifying.
By the way, Reina-san let me go kindly. However, she said to me, ‘It would be a problem if my daughter’s boyfriend fails his exams.’ After all, she is a cunning and experienced woman, so it was natural for her to find out that I had something with her daughter. And by using the words ‘my daughter’s boyfriend,’ she hammered the final nail in the coffin.
When I told Kunimi-san about it, she burst into laughter.
—I highly doubt you can go back to work there unless you stay with the boss’s daughter.
After that, we caught up on our current situations.
As time passed and Hayasaka-san’s laboratory visit came to an end, I finally asked the question I had wanted to ask for a long time.
—You’re still writing new versions of your famous notebook, right?
—Huh, yes…
—Does that mean you haven’t finished it yet?
The Love Notebook is a book of techniques and psychology for love. However, at this point, I realized that it was missing an important element.
That notebook certainly had descriptions on how to establish a good relationship between a man and a woman, but upon thinking about it deeply, I realized that everything in life has a beginning and an end.
And what that notebook clearly lacked was an exploration of the end of love. So, I mentioned it to Kunimi.
—I’m not really sure about that… — she responded without delving into the topic.
But if we consider love systematically, not just the notebook, but also all the reflections on love in the world, the aspect of properly closing a relationship between two people has surely been neglected.
And that was the answer I needed.
—In your case, there is a quick method that you can use.
—And what is it?
—The incident at the Tokyo station, wasn’t it a traumatic event for you?
Kunimi-san apparently had heard the story from Reina-san. And since she had paid for the hospital room, she knew all about it.
—You’ve been having trouble with your memories from that day, right?
That is the truth that I haven’t told anyone.
It’s not a distortion of perception, there are things that I don’t fully remember from what happened at the station. Despite having memories of it, there are others that are hazy.
—If you confront one of the girls with that truth, I think she will distance herself on her own. And this way, one disappears and the other stays. Everything is resolved.
—I can’t do that.
—I don’t blame you. I know it sounds horrible to have to use the excuse of not remembering that person with the intention of pushing them away. It would also be hard for her to comprehend and she would completely crumble… There is no other solution, you have to take the difficult path.
Just as Kunimi-san said, I couldn’t be cold and distant with either of them. So, I have my doubts. Can I really choose one of them and find a satisfactory resolution?
—That’s why I want to give you this, Kirishima. — Kunimi said as she handed me a folded piece of paper.
—What is this?
—A new game of love.
She mentions it suddenly without any connection.
—I thought about it while I was at a conference.
Kunimi-san continues to create love notebooks even as a university student. It is said that this new material called the “True Love Notebook” has a power that far surpasses the one she created during high school, and this loose piece of paper will be included in it.
For some reason, I feel a disturbing atmosphere coming from that piece of paper.
—Oh, it’s fine, I don’t need it.
—It doesn’t matter, take it with you. This will surely help you, Kirishima.
As she said things like a martial arts master in a movie, Kunimi-san tucked that piece of paper into the pocket of my coat. Honestly, this doesn’t make me feel comfortable.
—No, I’ll give it back to you.
—Take it. I promise it will be very intense.
—Intense?! That sounds scary.
While we had our differences, Hayasaka-san came out of the building where the laboratories were located.
I noticed that she was looking for me in the area. And not noticing my presence, she started to worry as she continued searching around.
—Go to her quickly. — Kunimi said, firmly tucking the piece of paper into my pocket — You don’t know if the other person really wants all the things you try to do. Especially when you think you’re doing the right thing, you may need to be careful. Your superficiality can be discovered.
At that moment, I couldn’t understand what she was trying to tell me.
However, I understood it on the way back to the station.
—When I get home, I’ll study hard! — Hayasaka exclaimed.
Hayasaka-san seemed to be very motivated after the visit to the university.
I felt like I was doing something very right. Hayasaka-san was working hard in her studies, and Tachibana-san had also been practicing the piano lately.
Everyone was looking towards the future and being positive, working slowly to solve problems and feeling like in a game of shogi where positions are closing.
That’s why I tried to solve my own problems too.
—Hayasaka-san, we should keep a bit more distance at school. It’s uncomfortable to say it, but people still have the perception that I’m dating Tachibana-san.
In that way, I spoke without directly mentioning that Hayasaka-san’s reputation had been affected. In cases of celebrity infidelity, for example, the legitimate wife is defended while the mistress is criticized.
I felt the desire to protect Hayasaka-san. But… She clung to my arm and spoke cheerfully.
—You still care about what others say, don’t you? I want you to say that I’m your girlfriend even if people whisper behind my back. But you, Kirishima-kun, you care about appearances. You want to maintain your correct image. Even though we’ve come this far, something isn’t right.
Hayasaka-san smiled as she spoke those words… Damn, I just stepped on mine.
—I’ve always felt that. I thought that if we studied together and worked hard, you would be honest and right, and you would feel good about yourself. But what I really want, you don’t give me… No, I know you’re trying to. But you, Kirishima-kun, care about other people’s opinions and hold yourself back. You say you don’t care about societal norms, but you’re the one trapped by them the most. What if I become the girl who stole someone else’s boyfriend? Should I just accept that?
Then, she placed her index finger on her chin and seemed lost in thought.
—What can I do to make Kirishima-kun stop caring about what others think? What can I do to make him my real boyfriend?
Then, with a hesitant look, she turned to me.
—I’ve got it! We should ruin ourselves! We should reveal the truth, that I’m not a good girl at all, but a very bad girl, and that Kirishima-kun is a mess. We should expose everything we’ve done! Then everyone will criticize us mercilessly.
Oh no. This feeling… Hayasaka-san has completely lost it again! It’s been a while since this has happened.
—So, if we are ruthlessly criticized and completely torn apart, that will make everyone hate you too, and you’ll be left alone. It would be great, don’t you think? Because then, you’ll become all mine.
—No, in that case, Hayasaka-san also—…
—Why? Why does Kirishima-kun have to worry about me?
Hayasaka-san looked at me with a truly confused expression.
—Kirishima-kun, you enjoy hurting me, don’t you? You like seeing me in a miserable state, right? Hehe, it’s fine. As long as you’re by my side, I’ll be fine, no matter how it ends. Just with a little hug, I’ll be happy.
This is madness… How do I stop Hayasaka-san? This is completely slipping out of my hands.
—I have an idea, what if we leak the videos I recorded for you?
—Wait, that’s really not right.
—Why? Since I started middle school, everyone has used me as fantasy material. They have taken pictures of me without me knowing, wearing my gym uniform or even in a swimsuit, and shared them with everyone. What difference does it make if everyone sees those videos? Besides, it’s perfect because I mention your name in those videos, so everyone will know that we are together.
Hayasaka-san is pushing the self-destruct button to the extreme.
I tried to stop her by saying that I don’t want her to be unhappy, but since I’m also in a relationship with Tachibana-san, anything I say lacks persuasiveness. So, there’s only one way to get out of this…
—Hayasaka-san is pushing the self-destruct accelerator to the limit.
I tried to stop her by saying that I don’t want her to be unhappy, but since I’m also in a relationship with Tachibana-san, anything I say lacks persuasiveness. So, there’s only one way to get out of this…
—Alright, I’ll become a complete mess. I’ll do things that are so absurd that I won’t care about what others say. I just ask you to take care of yourself more and not to publish those videos.
But what should I do exactly? Hayasaka-san wants to be criticized and lose her reputation, and for me to be left alone. But I can’t commit such an offense.
As I think about that, Hayasaka-san speaks again.
—…Then, put this on. — Hayasaka said.
—What should I wear?
—My school swimsuit.
****
I was in art class.
It’s an elective subject, which means Tachibana-san is present, as well as Hayasaka-san, Sakai, and Maki.
In the past, during this art class, we used to gather and chat aimlessly. Hayasaka-san used to speak energetically, Sakai would nod without knowing if she was really listening, Maki would say random things, and Tachibana-san would quietly pinch my foot.
We weren’t all close, but there was a relaxed bond among us, and time passed comfortably.
But now, nobody speaks and everyone is focused on their sketchbooks.
Will I be able to remember those moments as a page from my youth someday?
As I think about that, I probably don’t have the right to immerse myself in memories. I can’t turn this art room into a beautiful memory. Because… Right now, I’m wearing a school swimsuit under my uniform.
Furthermore, I’m acting as a model for the drawing.
I was sitting in the center of everyone, assuming a pose. They look at the wrinkles in my uniform thinking how to portray them. And they have no idea that I’m wearing a girls’ school swimsuit underneath.
I kept thinking about how much my body hurt because my swimsuit was small, chafing all over my body. Or if my shirt is becoming see-through.
But I have no choice. I have to open the gates to an even deeper hell. And yes, that means I have to strip in front of everyone and reveal my figure in this swimsuit.
That’s what Hayasaka wants. She wants me to feel miserable…
***
Let’s rewind time to that afternoon on the rooftop where I was with Hayasaka, riding the panda together.
As we watched the sunset, intoxicated by the atmosphere, I spoke to her firmly.
—So, you’re aware, aren’t you? You’re just acting, right?
—Yes… — she replied, pressing her face against my back — I can’t let Tachibana have you. I don’t want to leave without a fight, I don’t want to give up on you… And if I let her know that I’m crazy, then she will have no choice but to let you take care of me. I know how much you like girls with problems…
It seems she has assessed me quite well. Although I don’t know how to refute that.
—Kirishima, did you meet Tachibana when you were little?
—Yes. During summer vacation, I stayed at my grandparents’ house. It was in a nearby park where I met Tachibana.
I remember she once commented, “I think Shirou-kun talked to me because I felt lonely.”
That day, there were many children playing in the park, but Tachibana was the only one who remained alone near the playground structure, clearly showing how bored she was.
—After all, Kirishima-kun likes girls who are in trouble.
—That’s not true… At all.
—I know. And that’s why I need to be more broken than Tachibana-san. I have to do everything I can to make you stay by my side and take care of me.
—But hurting yourself is not good, you know?
—That’s enough of that. I’m not the only one doing this and you know it. — Hayasaka refuted euphorically — Tachibana understands it too, and if she doesn’t use it, it’s because she knows that she wins… Shiro-kun, you’re trying to make a decision, aren’t you? It seems like you’re thinking about our future and trying to fix us up and make everything fit perfectly.
—After saying that, Hayasaka hit my back with her head. It’s obvious that she’s angry.
—Why did you choose Tachibana? — she asked with a tearful voice — Even if you chose me now, I would feel sad. Because it was Tachibana-san and you who experienced that love first. And that will always remain as a beautiful memory between the two of you.
Hayasaka let out a deep sigh and held onto me tightly, continuing to speak.
—When I found out that Tachibana-san and you did it, I also thought about wanting to do it with you. But I felt like I couldn’t. It’s frightening. Knowing that Tachibana is your first time, that’s something absolutely special, and if you compare me to that, I don’t think I can win… Even now, as I touch your body, I still wonder if I can do it. But still, it’s scary. It’s scary to think that you’ll be disappointed in me once you start comparing me to her.
Hayasaka’s insecurities have been steadily increasing. No matter what I say, nothing can change her mind.
—Although it doesn’t matter anymore if you choose me or not. However, you have that serious expression, as if you’re trying to make a choice now. That angers me, and I can’t forgive it. Even though I love you, I also hate you. And if you don’t choose me, I will cry. But if you do choose me, I also don’t want you to continue having those memories with Tachibana.
The love and devotion Hayasaka has for me is so immense that she is willing to destroy her own life and mental health just to be with me. Not to mention that she also doesn’t hesitate to ruin my social reputation so that I’ll be left alone and she can be with me.
That’s what I thought.
***
The end of class is approaching gradually.
It’s time for me to take off my uniform.
The art classroom will turn into chaos. There will surely be girls crying because of the scene they are about to witness, thanks to me. But I have no other choice, I have to do it.
And the swimsuit I’m wearing underneath is the way Hayasaka intends to punish me and destroy my reputation and image in society.
I start to think that by doing this, I’ll be saving Hayasaka, who has suffered as an icon of purity… but quickly I realize that this is just a momentary outburst on her part.
I began to search for reasons not to do it.
But if I don’t Hayasaka will become more and more confused.
Recently, he’s been making radical statements within the circle during breaks.
‘I like to kiss,’ ‘I’ve been to love hotels.’
In this way, she is further ruining her own reputation. If this continues, Hayasaka’s school life will become the worst possible place for her.
I have to stop this.
So I placed my hand on the shirt button to take off my uniform and feel as miserable as possible. That’s when it happened.
Hayasaka put her notebook aside, stood up from her seat, and approached me.
—No. Don’t do it. — she said as she grabbed both of my shoulders — I can’t allow you to be the only one feeling miserable.
Saying that, she kissed me faster than I could stop her.
I was taken aback, but while I was thinking about wanting to push her away, she slipped her tongue into my mouth. And then she pulled away from me, smiling.
—That’s why it’s better for both of us to ruin our lives together. — Hayasaka said.
After saying that, she shifted her weight onto me, causing me to fall to the ground as she placed her lips on mine.
It was the type of kiss that makes you feel like you’re the only two people in the world. A wet, passionate kiss where our mouths explored each other and saliva was exchanged.
I couldn’t understand what was going through her mind. Both the teacher and the rest of the students stared at us in astonishment, shouting uncontrollably.
However, Hayasaka paid no attention and continued kissing me as if we were alone. This caused the level of arousal to rise rapidly.
—Ah… Kirishima-kun… ah…
Between gasps, she assumed a posture that clearly evoked a posture that would give free rein to any kind of fantasy not suitable for everyone present. And her saliva slipped from the corners of her lips as she moved her hips slightly.
And just when she thought this situation couldn’t get any more out of control. The next words Hayasaka said out loud while everyone surrounded us would only make the situation worse.
—I… I want to have intimate relations with you, Kirishima-kun….
A few days after the incident in the art class, Hayasaka walked down the hallway with a sad expression on her face. There was a possibility that she could be suspended.
Although this wasn’t directly related to the incident that happened between the two of us. After what happened, both of us were called to the principal’s office.
Neither the principal nor our homeroom teacher showed any anger or empathy for what we had done. They simply gave us a calm warning, using bureaucratic terms like “a sensitive stage of adolescence.
From the perspective of adults, they saw our actions as completely incomprehensible, but they weren’t surprised either. I suppose they understand to some extent that at our age, we tend to act this way even outside of school.
However, the reason why Hayasaka was at risk of being suspended was different.
Someone had informed our teacher that she had a part-time job. And there was a possibility that they showed him pictures of her working at the maid café.
Having a part-time job is prohibited by the school rules.
—Nobody cares about good behavior.
—What do you mean?
—We all strive to be good people, to meet the expectations of others, but in the end, it has no meaning. In the end, it was merely conveniently used for everyone to feel good. No one cares if you arrive early to class or not, if you clean the classroom or not. They just make you believe that they take it into account so you don’t step out of societal norms. — Hayasaka sighed and smiled weakly —I really wish it was just the two of us.
Hayasaka was trying to navigate her chaotic life on her own. But obviously, she wasn’t accustomed to this situation and seemed depressed.
It was understandable since she had always been a good girl. During each break, she would go to the student counseling office, where she would hear whispers behind her back and receive distant treatment from others.
At first glance, one might believe that she had a seemingly normal everyday life. However, the former Hayasaka had completely collapsed. It was evident that her friends had distanced themselves from her. I often saw her alone or accompanied by Sakai.
She was no longer the porcelain doll that everyone admired; she had been completely discarded by society.
The way the boys treated her also changed. The pure image of the ‘ideal girlfriend’ disappeared, leaving behind only unrestrained carnal desire. That girl who exuded latent sexuality was now shamelessly defiled.”
“The boys approached her without any limits, often touching her shoulders in an attempt to grab her attention. Not only did the physical touches increase, but the inappropriate and classless conversations also escalated.
Hayasaka claimed that she didn’t care at all. But I knew better than anyone else that she felt the opposite in her heart.
I truly wanted to do something to protect her reputation. But I had no idea how to approach this conflict. It was too big for me to change on my own.
And I was also in the same pit as her. This was because I bore the brunt of the criticism.
I was stigmatized and branded as a playboy who didn’t care about the feelings of Hayasaka and Tachibana. I became someone detestable and an object of hatred for my classmates.
****
—Kirishima-kun, what’s going on?
An intrusive girl asked while accompanied by some friends.
This situation weakened me. Explaining what was happening wouldn’t make them understand, and I really didn’t need others to agree with my way of thinking.
However, since Tachibana-san and I became an official couple after the incident at the cultural festival, everyone was watching us and felt the need to say something.
Well, I can actually understand the curiosity our classmates feel when they see me socializing with her. It’s completely natural because Tachibana is the one who receives more support from the boys at school, while Hayasaka and I are ruthlessly criticized.
Hayasaka was sitting in a secluded spot, watching everyone with an apologetic expression. It was clear that she felt guilty for what had happened.
I cared for both of them, and I had been acting with the intention of making them both happy. I don’t understand how everything spiraled out of control.
At that moment, when I thought about wanting to calm the situation around us, someone entered the room gracefully. His voice resonated clearly, and everyone looked at him.
—Kirishima is not to blame for all of this.
The person who burst into the classroom was Yanagi-senpai.
—And certainly not Hayasaka-chan. They haven’t done anything wrong. Kirishima has not been unfaithful, and Hayasaka-chan has not stolen anyone’s boyfriend. Both of them have not been involved in any immorality or forbidden love that everyone claims to believe because… The blame is on me.
Yanagi-senpai’s statements were completely unexpected, even for me. It seemed strange why he had decided to want to save us from this mess, despite everything that had happened with him.
—I am the reason for all this confusion. It was me who urged Hikari Tachibana to end her relationship and start dating me… That’s right, she and I are a couple now.
The entire classroom fell into complete silence.
I wonder… What will happen next?
