Until now I have been quite conscious about love, and always with clear intentions. I have not let my mind be poisoned by the image that society tries to impose on us. I keep being guided by what I think is right, and I came to think that I was being sincere. Falling in love, planning a future, imagining and acting depending on how my partner feels, all always according to what my vision of love was… But now I don’t have a clear point of view anymore, Hayasaka-san and Tachibana-san keep imposing their ideas on me, my path started to fork, and I no longer have the confidence in knowing which way to go. I no longer have the initiative. I have no control over anything. And it wasn’t just Hayasaka-san and Tachibana-san who were responsible. There was another person behind it all…
—You work in a very nice place… Can we talk, Kirishima? — asked Yanagi-senpai.
It was late at night. When my shift was over, I went out to the alley to take out the garbage, and he was waiting for me. I had no choice but to accept. So we both took the train back to the station closest to our home, and decided to stop at a donut store that was open until midnight. This was where Maki, Yanagi-senpai and I would come to eat back when we were studying together. It’s interesting how life takes many turns, now we’re both here, alone late at night.
—I suppose you’ll order the usual, Kirishima?
—Yes, I’ll pay my share.
—Good.
We sat across from each other in the back of the store, made our orders, and after a few minutes someone brings us our food. I didn’t know what to say, so I took a donut and popped it in my mouth.
—Everything okay Kirishima?
—Yeah… Hey, I’m sorry about that time.
After I kissed Tachibana-san on the stage of the school festival. That same night Yanagi-senpai asked me to go to a park not far away. He had been standing there, under a street lamp, the light illuminated his face very dimly, and the expression on his face was hard to describe. He had asked me how long I had been secretly in a relationship with Tachibana-san. As soon as I told him that it all started at summer camp, he said something to himself, and let out a punch to my face, causing me to fall to the ground on my buttocks, and with a cut on my lips.
The situation did not escalate any further, except that the punch did not seem to have made his anger and frustration diffuse. He had a dejected look on his face, he was very upset with himself for hitting me. Yanagi-senpai is not the type of person who likes to hit people. And I had pushed for him to be in that position. I thought he would feel better after taking it out on me, but that wasn’t the case at all. He just said that he felt like an idiot because despite what happened, he still loved Tachibana-san. And since that day, I occasionally have small conversations with him. That’s why I knew that Tachibana-san was still seeing him.
While I was eating my donut, Yanagi-senpai was drinking coffee with a rather haggard face. Senpai had moved to another school some time ago, and it turned out to be near the bar where I worked, that’s why he was waiting for me this whole time.
—I’ll tell you something, Kirishima… In a corner of my mind, I haven’t stopped thinking about what to do to separate Hikari-chan from you. I’ve devoted myself to her more than I ever had before. And as a result, I was finally able to hold her hand.
—I know.
—Did she tell you?
—No, one of my co-workers saw you the other day, and she told me.
Whenever I see Yanagi-senpai’s face, I see someone handsome, who could have any girl he wanted. And when I imagine the scene of Tachibana-san holding his hand, it hurts me to such an extent that it makes my heart ache.
I feel a hateful urge to call her right now and ask for explanations as to why she did that, to complain, to yell at her, to show her how that makes me feel. I’m drowning in this selfish feeling.
—I’m taking advantage of her feelings of guilt… After what happened, she came to apologize. I know you are aware of the family conventions involved in our relationship. At first I thought it was unfair. But she recognized me for the first time as a human being, she saw me differently than other guys.
Yanagi-senpai put down the coffee cup and leaned back in his seat, scratched his head and continued talking.
—I know Hikari-chan is confused and suffering from her feelings of love for you, guilt and sympathy for me. But I have no choice but to keep exploiting that. I know it’s very cowardly of me, I know it will make her suffer more… But it’s my only recourse.
Indeed, the festival incident made Tachibana-san’s feelings of grief generate other kinds of feelings towards Yanagi-senpai. But… If she were to stabilize her feelings again, she knows that he wouldn’t stand a chance against her. And it is for that reason that he wants to continue to exploit this resource, to arouse more feelings of affection for him.
—Kirishima, Hikari-chan is your first love, right?
—Yes.
—And the promise you made to each other when you were children, that’s the reason why she didn’t touch men other than Kirishima, right?
—…Yes.
—And that’s why you think that I don’t stand a chance against Hikari-chan? Do you think that because of that promise, no one can take your first love away from you? And just because of that fact, I’m going to have to give up… Right? Well no… I don’t want to do that, I’ll do anything to take Tachibana Hikari away from you.
—….Senpai
—The following weekend I invited Hikari-chan to play futsal.
—Did she agree to go?
—No, she denied my proposal… However, she say she would go if you go. I had no choice but to accept it. So, I want you to go.
—Has something changed between the two of you?
—No… — Yanagi-senpai answered as he leaned forward and stared into my eyes — Kirishima, come watch me.
—What?
—I said… Come watch me sink into my misery, Kirishima Shirou.
*******************
It was Saturday morning, and I went to the rooftop of a large building near the city center to attend a futsal match organized by Yanagi-senpai. At the venue was Yanagi-senpai together with Tachibana-san. She was wearing a white sweater and her hair was tied up in a straight bun. Around them were many other people who are Yanagi-senpai’s friends, except there were not many girls. Among them, two that I know, Hayasaka-san, and…
—…Why are you here?
—They told me that there was a possibility that they might not have enough people, so they invited me. I honestly didn’t want to come to this place….
—And that’s why they called Yoshimi-kun, not you.
—And THAT’S WHY I’M COMING IN HIS PLACE! My Yoshimi in a place like this…! This place is like a potential hypocenter! I can’t expose him to a place where he’s filled with your unhealthy vibrations!
—“My Yoshimi”, huh? You sound just like Tachibana-san, Hamanami.
—No, no, I’m not like her~!
I looked around and made eye contact with Hayasaka-san and she gave me a little wave from afar.
Tachibana-san had been introduced to everyone as the daughter of a business partner of the company run by Yanagi-senpai’s parents, so in this place, she is not my girlfriend, nor his fiancé. It was a kind of unspoken agreement between gentlemen to pry in a situation like this. Tachibana-san even though she understood the situation, her expression did not give the slightest hint of what she thought about it, so it was a mystery.
Clearly, senpai was taking advantage of the situation in being in an environment where he feels comfortable and is surrounded by his group of friends, so he obviously had a total monopoly on Tachibana-san, and spent a lot of time with her, even to the point of deliberately choosing her as his teammate.
—This is the first time I’ve seen Tachibana-senpai touching a man other than you. Yanagi-senpai is really trying hard to be noticed.
Tachibana-san, who was warming up with Yanagi-senpai, their bodies were in contact with each other.
—Kirishima-senpai, are you okay?
—Yeah, why do you ask?
—The expression you have on your face is as if you just witnessed the worst possible thing that exists in this whole wide world.
I think Hamanami is exaggerating, there’s nothing wrong with someone stretching with another person, that’s precisely what I’m doing with her.
Although I suppose it’s normal for people to fear losing something they had before. There’s a name for that, and it’s called the retention effect. And it’s written in the love notebook.
—It seems that Tachibana-senpai is not the only one having a good time. — She said as she turned her head towards Hayasaka-san.
She was also stretching with another guy, judging by his appearance, I could bet he’s a college guy. And she seems to be enjoying it a lot.
—No, Hayasaka-san always comes here, surely she must know that guy by now.
—But don’t you think Hayasaka-senpai is now more open with men than usual? Before she seemed to be afraid to approach them, and behaved in such a way as if there was a wall between her and the rest of the guys. But… Now she seems to be different.
—…You think so?
—Yes, they look very intimate.
Oh god, don’t confuse me more than I already am, Hamanami.
—What do you plan to do now, senpai? It looks like Yanagi-senpai has taken the lead, and now you’re running out of options.
—I don’t know what to do either. I guess I have no choice but to appear disinterested.
—Really?
I guess I have no choice.
—Well, not exactly disinterest, but I think I’ll resort to reverse psychology. If I make them think it doesn’t matter who they’re with or what they’re doing, it will make them want to come to me and try hard to get my attention and please me again.
—Um, Senpai, no offense, but… You’re an idiot.
When the training started, the situation was still the same. Tachibana-san was still near Yanagi-senpai, who was teaching her how to kick the ball.
Being objective, I thought it was a very bold tactic on his part. After all, he is a good team leader, and Tachibana-san was a novice at this. This created the perfect situation for the teacher to help the student and get even closer to her. It made his qualities as a Senpai stand out, and might generate more feelings of interest from Tachibana-san.
I averted my gaze to Hayasaka-san, who was wearing a short-sleeved sweater and shorts, exposing her arms and thighs. Clearly the vast majority of the men kept staring at her plump legs and paying attention to how her breasts bounced. And clearly, this was something she did not dislike at all.
Looking for an escape from the torture my eyes were witnessing, I looked towards the net in the background, and saw a girl kicking the ball alone at one end of the field.
Her appearance was sullen and expressionless. Judging by her face, I could tell she was young, a little younger than Hamanami. So I tried to be friendly and approached her.
—Hello, would you like to practice with us?
At my words, the girl turns to us, she was slim, her hair was black and was tied up in a ponytail.
—Yes, thank you. It’s the first time I participated…
—Us too, do you like futsal?
—No, although I have always practiced in the track team, but I retired in the summer, and I just stayed at home. But my sister brought me here today to play, so I have no choice.
She seems to be in junior high school. While the girl and Hamanami were talking, in my head I kept thinking that she looked quite familiar.
—Oh, sorry, I haven’t introduced myself, I’m Kirishima Shirou, what’s your name?
—I’m Tachibana Miyuki. Tachibana Hikari’s younger sister.
***************
After we had practiced with the ball, we had to take a break before starting the mini-game. I went to the break room and bought an isotonic drink from the vending machine.
I looked out the window, and noticed that Yanagi-senpai and Tachibana-san were still talking. Usually, Tachibana-san is not the kind of girl who likes to talk to a guy for a long time in public. He knows this weakness on her part very well, and tries to force it as much as possible. And I can’t do anything about it because I feel guilty because of everything that happened. While he exploits every little chance he gets, it is accurate to say that senpai is using dirty tricks in this fight.
In my head there was a hellish struggle about whether to intervene and do something about it, or just step aside and let everything take its course.
—Tachibana-san’s sister is so cute. — Hayasaka-san said entering the break room and with a smile on her face.
Miyuki, Tachibana-san’s sister continued to run around the field, because she practiced athletics, she has good endurance, and the expression on her face still remains cold even though she is running. Except when she kicks the ball, there she loses all her charm and it looked like she would have a hard time with such an activity.
—Oh, so she’s not the one you’re looking at. It’s amazing how Tachibana-san is so popular. I get the impression that mature girls attract the attention of men. — Hayasaka-san said while standing next to me.
Around Tachibana-san was gathered not only Yanagi-senpai and his friends, but also other juniors and undergraduates.
—I am reminded of the time I studied with a girl like Tachibana-san, she had an aura of maturity and impenetrable inaccessibility, she gave the impression that she was not interested in romantic relationships, and also did not date anyone her age… Then we found out that she was making out with a school teacher in his car.
Hayasaka-san in no way intends to say that Tachibana-san is like those kind of girls, but she does convey that image to her.
—Kirishima-kun you don’t seem to be enjoying your jealousy like you usually do.
—Yes… I wonder why.
—You hold on too long, that’s selfish. You should be more emotional, act according to what you feel. That’s what Tachibana-san and I expect from you… I know it’s hard for you, that Tachibana-san has started to get along with senpai. — she said as she came closer to me and hugged me. — It seems it’s not enough for you my dear, tell me, what’s wrong?
—It’s because… you’re doing the same…
—Oh, so that’s what it is, hehehehe….
Hayasaka-san laughs sexily and pats my head.
—You know I’m not good with boys, so I’m trying to get over it. I’m always getting help from you, that tends to be annoying to some extent, right? So I’m trying to overcome that fear, for that reason, I started a part-time job where a lot of guys visit.
That seems to have been paying off, because when guys leer at her or she makes certain comments, Hayasaka-san takes it as a compliment and tries to enjoy it.
—So I realized that they’re not as bad as I thought, plus, I’m really excited to see how they react when I touch their shoulders.
—Do you really think it’s a good idea to do that?
—Well… There’s always the risk of someone having the wrong ideas, or forcing me to do something I don’t want to do. Can you imagine that happening?
Imagine Hayasaka-san being forcibly held down by an older man drinking alcohol while touching every part with his lust-filled body.
—Hey, Kirishima-kun, would you be upset if I was in that position with another man?
It would be rather hypocritical of me to answer the obvious, as I am the least qualified to say no.
—I want you to be honest.
—…I would hate it with all my heart.
—Then why don’t you make me even more crazy about you? You know what you have to do, that act so… So perverse that it would make me lose my mind… There’s no need to hold back, you can do whatever you want with me.
Hayasaka-san stood on her tiptoes and pressed her body even more into me.
—We are the only ones in this room, you know? — she said whispering in my ear.
I slipped my right hand into Hayasaka-san’s shorts from behind, and groped her over her underwear.
—You know something? I’m an idiot, because it’s with your kisses, with touching my body, or by the simple act of you holding my hand, it makes me fall in love with you that much more. And I like that…
Soon she started to get so wet that I could see even through her underwear. Hayasaka-san’s body was damp with sweat.
That’s when I started to look at Hayasaka-san the same way all the men were doing today. Her reddened body from exercise, her exposed thighs and this uniform were quite a sight for my eyes.
—Kirishima-kun, you can do whatever you want with me.
I continued to touch her body in a specific spot, and that caused her whole body to tremble, making her also press her face against my chest and then she started making gasps.
—Kirishima-kun, are you enjoying this?
—I guess this is proof enough that I’m enjoying it.
That’s when something in my crotch perked up, and Hayasaka-san felt it. Making me smile in satisfaction as well.
—I have to show this to Tachibana-san. I want to make her jealous, after all, that’s the kind of relationship we have.
With a wild expression on her face, Hayasaka-san lets go of my hand and stands in front of the window again. I understood what she was trying to do, so I move to her side, and slip my hand back into her underwear.
Those watching from outside give the impression that Hayasaka-san and I are side by side watching the court. But I am sure that Tachibana-san will be able to tell what we are doing because of Hayasaka-san’s ecstatic expressions.
And indeed she did, she looked at us, and we could see from a distance that her expression immediately became gloomy. So she kept watching us repeatedly while conversing with Yanagi-senpai.
—Kirishima-kun, no, it’s too embarrassing for me to make that sound…!
I kept touching Hayasaka-san’s crotch while watching Tachibana-san, the characteristic sound that drives me crazy and embarrasses Hayasaka-san became more and more intense. Making Hayasaka-san in turn lean forward.
I inserted one of my fingers deeper inside, and that made Hayasaka-san let out a sigh of pleasure, and as expected, what she was wishing for also came.
—Kirishima-kun! No! Nooo! Stop it!
Finally, Hayasaka-san’s whole body shuddered, and she put her hands on the window as if she was going to hit them. That’s when Tachibana-san, overcome with jealousy, kicked the ball with great force, and turned her head away. Everyone around her was shocked.
On the other hand, Hayasaka-san collapsed on the spot with a lock of hair stuck to her cheeks from sweat. While smiling with an expression of pleasure, she looked at me and said something that I really liked.
—Hey, Kirishima-kun… Sharing is a lot of fun.
****************
Tachibana-san and I walked side by side on our way to the train station. After playing a mini-game with a half-time break. Tachibana-san said she was leaving because she had piano lesson in the evening.
And in my case, I said I had to work, so I had gone to the locker room to change my uniform, and go home. But as soon as I got to the elevator, she was waiting for me. That encounter was not planned at all. As strange as it sounds, we both have very good timing.
—Miyuki-chan is a very fast girl.
—Yes, she’s used to running.
—And she also seemed very frustrated that she was losing during the match.
—She’s always hated losing, even since she was little. She’s very stubborn, sometimes she can be a pain in the ass.
—In that respect they are similar.
—That’s enough! I don’t want to talk about this anymore! — Tachibana-san said out loud. She could no longer hide her anger — I don’t want you to talk about other women when we are together!
Tachibana-san looked nervous and immediately put her hand on her forehead while apologizing. She recognized that it was not her own attitude and tried her best to calm down. So we walked for a long way in silence. She’s getting more and more unstable.
But, I’m glad she did it. And I’m glad Hayasaka-san and I did that act, without it, Tachibana-san wouldn’t have been jealous, it shows that she still cares about me, it’s an attitude she doesn’t usually show, and that makes me happy.
—Shirou-kun, isn’t there anything you have to tell me? Be honest… And don’t be pretentious either.
I didn’t answer her question and remained silent. That made Tachibana-san become defensive again. Honestly, I find something very beautiful about her when she is like that.
—I admit it, I get along well with Shun-kun. And I don’t know why I can’t reject him and turn away from him. I feel the same way you feel about me and Hayasaka-san. I feel like now I can come to understand him a little bit.
When it comes to love, Tachibana-san was a blank slate. With me it was taking the first step, then when she already started to get familiar with that feeling, she became so addicted that, now she even wanted to love another man.
Perhaps the feelings she has for Yanagi-senpai are like my feelings for Hayasaka-san in being my second favorite. She herself is perplexed by all this change.
—You even… You got to hold Yanagi-senpai’s hand.
—….So that’s what it was. Why didn’t you say anything? I’m your girlfriend, Shirou-kun, and I did something wrong, I flirted with another guy and I don’t understand why despite that you don’t get mad. Does it mean that as long as you have Hayasaka-san too nothing else matters?
—It’s not that… It’s what Yanagi-senpai told me when I left. He made it clear to me that I’m the one responsible for you being the girl you are now. You’re not afraid of men, you’re not asocial, in fact, you can integrate well with other people. Yanagi-senpai is pulling you out of a spiral that I put you in, and I think you’re right…
—I don’t care what Shun-kun said. — Tachibana-san said staring at me. — What you did with Hayasaka-san today is not right, and in front of everyone! If you are angry, tell me, show me, I don’t care if you break things, if you even hit me or pull my hair.
Tachibana-san’s statements are pretty extreme, and I’m not willing to go to that extent. But you are right about my behavior. I am very angry, I just haven’t wanted to admit it. Not just angry, but sickeningly jealous.
After all, Tachibana-san made me be honest with myself, and admitting it was like throwing up the bile I’ve been swallowing for a long time.
—Why the hell did you let other men touch you?!
—I’m sorry…
—Why didn’t you tell me that you were walking around holding hands with Yanagi-senpai?!
—…….I was afraid that Shirou-kun would hate me, that’s why I couldn’t tell you. — She said while grabbing my coat sleeve — Hey, don’t you want other men to touch me?
—…No.
—Don’t you like that I get along with Shun-kun?
—No.
—That’s very selfish. You have Hayasaka-san… But it’s okay. I like it… That tells me you want me all to yourself. You want me to be your only girl, don’t you, Shirou-kun?
I nodded at her question. Ever since I had arrived at the futsal place, I hadn’t stopped thinking about it. So I said it again in a firm voice.
—I don’t want other men to lay a finger on you.
When Tachibana-san heard that, she smiled with great joy, at the same time hugging me and expressing all those nice feelings all over my body.
—I like you a lot, Shirou-kun, I love it when you’re jealous like that…. Hey, do you want me to tell you something, what would you think if there was really no direct contact when I held hands with Shun-kun?
—No direct contact…?
—Exactly, when we held hands, Shun-kun and I were both wearing gloves.
—One more thing… Don’t keep calling him that.
—It’s okay. I’ll call him Yanagi-kun. The only one I’ll call by his first name is you, Shirou-kun. I like this, it makes me feel special, and it’s because you like me a lot.
—Well… Although, today at the futsal…
While she and Yanagi-senpai were stretching, there was a lot of skin-to-skin contact. And it all became more intentional when Yanagi-senpai realized that I was jealous.
—That’s right, he touched me a lot…
Tachibana-san, who was in a good mood, puts her hands on my chest, opens the front of my coat, exposing my shirt. She stares at it for a moment, fits of retching begin to erupt from her until… She vomited on my shirt, at the same time small tears welled up in her eyes. Despite how bad she looked, she seemed happy, vomiting over and over on me until her stomach was empty.
A warm, stinking feeling spread from my chest to my stomach.
—What do you say, Shirou-kun? That’s how I differentiate my number one, from my number two.
At this unexpected performance from Tachibana-san, I had no choice but to sigh as I looked down at my shirt.
—Well, it’s a clever way to express affection.
